Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
