she looked like the before picture.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
