dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
