I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
