Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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