you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
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Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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