maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
