please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
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Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
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the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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