yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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