STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
