i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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