Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
