it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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