I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
