New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
