the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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