Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
A+ Viking dick
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
