so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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