There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
