Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
