i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
