She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
