He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
