So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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