saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
