Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
