I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
