do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
