So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
