I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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