All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
