put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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