Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
