trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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