I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
