You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
