I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
