im about as happy as oj after his trial
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
