god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
