The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
