I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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