AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
