he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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