This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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