Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize