how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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