Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
FUCK WHALES
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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