take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
