How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
