the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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