420 ftw
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
