i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
