I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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