the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
