STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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