I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
