We named our party play list daddy issues
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
